We All Must Carry On
by jayJ530
Summary: After the events on Malachor V. the Exile must decide what she is going to do next. Rated T for later chapters. FLS Exile. Exile/Atton, Exile/MLS Revan
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Trying to keep this relatively cannon friendly. Not sure if I succeeded though.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Star Wars**

Our return to Telos was uneventful, especially compared to our previous visits there. There was no one waiting to arrest us or a Sith Lord bent on wiping out the general populace. There were only some republic soldiers with polite smiles on their faces and suspicion in their eyes and Admiral Onasi waiting impatiently for my report on what had transpired on Malachor V. The story I told him was short and left most of the details out, but if he sensed that I wasn't telling him everything, he didn't comment on it. I wondered if he was disappointed by the lack of news on Revan's whereabouts. It had been ridiculous to expect that by some coincidence Revan would be on Malachor, waiting for me. Carth and I had both known that the chances of that were slim, but still there had been that hope, small as it was, that maybe despite all the odds he would be there.

Then again, if there was a place one could go and expect all hopes to be dashed, Malachor V. was that place. It wasn't a place for happy endings. Perhaps it was for the best that mine and Revan's reunion had not occurred there.

I returned to the Ebon Hawk as evening was setting in. I wasn't particularly surprised to learn that Canderous, or "Mandalore" as he was now called, had already left. He had seemed eager to return to Dxun now that our mission was over. I had been a little startled when he had agreed to accompany me in the first place and it came as no great shock that he would wish to part ways with me now. His loyalties had never rested with me - unlike Revan - I never had and never would have any real hold over him.

Everybody else had stayed, though I suspected that HK-47 would have happily jumped ship along with Canderous if he weren't a droid and I his "master." Apparently putting him back together after his components had been scattered across the galaxy had done little to endear me to the droid. Though to be honest I felt little in the ways of endearment towards the assassin droid myself, despite knowing that I had him to thank for at least part of the success of my mission on Malachor.

Mical was waiting for me when I entered the ship, wanting to tell me of his plans to explore the academy, and asking if I wanted to come along. I gave him my permission to go, and to take the others with him, but declined the offer to accompany them. It wasn't that I was worried about running into Atris - I had already searched the planet for her presence I had discovered that she was no longer on Telos. I simply didn't want to go near anything related to the Jedi or, if I was being honest with myself, anything that would make me think too much about Kreia. I told Mical that I needed time to meditate, which was true enough, and he accepted my excuse without question.

The next morning I awoke to an oddly silent ship. I realized that everyone must have already left, and for once I had the ship to myself.

"Hey."

Well maybe not completely to myself.

"You must have been pretty tired. Usually you don't sleep in this late," Atton commented. He was standing at the entrance of the dormitory, leaning casually against a bulkhead.

"You didn't go with the others." It wasn't a question really, but Atton grinned and responded as if it had been.

"Well as much fun as spending the day with Mical going through some Jedi archive would have been, I decided that maybe I should stay behind and…um…meditate."

"Uh-huh," was all I said in reply, allowing some of my disbelief to color my tone.

Though to be honest it was probably for the best that Atton hadn't gone with them. He and Mical had never gotten along, and this way the rest of the group was being spared the major headache of having to put up with those two bickering all day.

"You might as well sit down and relax then," I told him. I gestured to the floor in front of me.

"Yeah sure," he mumbled, sitting down so that he was facing me.

For a moment we sat there in silence, and I found myself wondering if perhaps Atton had actually been serious when he'd said he wanted to meditate. I watched him as he sat there with his eyes closed taking deep, measured breaths. I closed my own eyes and took a few calming breaths as I attempted to open myself fully to the Force. Without thinking I reached out to Atton's mind and listened for a moment as he played his never ending game of mental pazaak.

"Trying to read my mind again?"

My eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice. He was smirking at me, one eyebrow raised in mock consternation.

"Sorry," I muttered, embarrassed despite myself.

"Do you ever let your shields down?" I found myself asking him. "Even for a moment?"

"No, never," was his answer, his voice and face suddenly deadly serious.

I glanced down, uncertain as to what I should say. Atton simply closed his eyes and resumed his meditation.

"You know, if you want to know what I'm thinking, you just have to ask," he announced, his eyes still closed.

"Alright Atton, what are you thinking?" I asked him with an amused smile.

He opened his eyes and gave me a quick smile in return.

"I was thinking that you still haven't told any of us what exactly happened on Malachor," he replied.

I felt my chest tighten at the mention of that place. Atton had adopted a curious expression, but his eyes held a note of concern as he waited for me to respond. I returned his gaze, trying desperately to be angry with him for bringing up such a painful topic. I wanted to hate him for being so cocky, yet so oddly perceptive, and for wanting to know about something that I obviously didn't want to talk about.

But this was the same Atton who had already confessed all of his deepest, darkest secrets to me. I would be a hypocrite if I was anything but upfront with him now.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Atton said, his voice soft.

I almost laughed, but instead I just smiled wryly at him.

"No, I'll tell you," I told him with a sigh. I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. Atton waited patiently, his eyes still filled with concern.

"I killed her Atton. I didn't want to, but…in the end I had no choice. It was all a part of her plan to make me stronger, to change me, shape me into…I don't even know. She used me Atton."

I felt the sting of unexpected moisture in my eyes. I was surprised by the overwhelming rush of emotion I was feeling. Not even being exiled from the Order had affected me this much. _Kreia would be angry at me for showing such weakness if she could see me now_, I found myself thinking.

The fact that I actually cared about something like that only made me hate myself more.

"She used all of us," Atton pointed out. His tone was that of reassurance. _It wasn't your fault_, his brown eyes seemed to say.

_Wasn't it though?_ I suspected my eyes were asking him in return.

"But I should have seen it coming, I did see it coming, and yet I was still taken by surprise when she turned on us." I heard my voice break as I spoke.

"The Jedi were going to kill me, GO-TO was only using me for his own ends, and Kreia was playing us for fools all along." I took a shaky breath. "Who am I supposed to trust? When does all of this betrayal end?"

I felt Atton's hand gently touch my face. He grasped my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"I'm not going to betray you," he whispered.

I smiled. No, Atton wouldn't betray me. A former Sith, a self-confessed Jedi killer, but still someone I trusted implicitly. He had been there through all of this, protecting me, caring about me.

'_Did he love me?_' I had asked Kreia as she lay dying.

'_He is a fool, and that should answer your questions. He has nothing to offer to one such as you - and even a fool such as Atton is not so ignorant of that fact_,' was her only answer.

I had asked about all the others' futures, but not Atton's. Perhaps it was because I had already assumed that his future would be with me, for it seemed almost impossible to contemplate a life he wasn't a part of. But Kreia's words had left me feeling disheartened and broken inside. It had hurt knowing that Atton had been judged and found wanting. And perhaps he didn't love me - that doubt ate away at me leaving me feeling hollow.

Kreia's final betrayal: after destroying my faith in myself, she still felt it necessary to destroy my faith in Atton as well.

"She told me about Revan, before she died," I found myself telling him. "Where he is, what he's doing."

"Are you going after him?" The way he said it, it almost didn't sound like a question.

"I have to. He needs me."

Atton only nodded. He understood, after all, Revan had been his hero too.

"So I guess that means you're leaving," he said.

"Yes."

A sort of melancholy silence fell as we sat there lost in our own thoughts. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but I knew that now was not the time. That now there never would be a time. This was goodbye and we both knew it.

'_Don't get too attached to me._ _I'm a deserter. It's what I do_,' he had told me once. How ironic that in the end, I would be the one deserting him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Still trying to keep it fairly cannon-friendly. Still probably failing miserably at that. I considered having Bastilla be dead or somewhere so deep in hiding that I wouldn't have to worry about her, but then I changed my mind. So eventually she will be mentioned - just not in this chapter. The Exile's name is Inyri Pace just so there isn't any confusion when reading this. If you hit the generate random name button enough times, that particular name will come up, so I'm taking that to mean it is 'George Lucas approved.'**

**Oh and the blue-skinned aliens are the Chiss. Let's see how many of you know where I got them from.

* * *

**

It was more painful than I expected to say goodbye to the rest of my traveling companions. They were all supportive, but I could still see the shadow of disappointment in Mical's eyes when I told him that once again I was abandoning him to fight alongside Revan. I could still sense Visas' discomfort with the thought of me putting myself in harm's way, perhaps unnecessarily. I could feel everyone's sadness as they realized they might never see me again.

T3-M4 chirped a depressed sounding 'good luck' as I was leaving the ship. I realized that the poor droid was probably feeling a sense of déjà vu – once again being left behind by his owner for the same reason the last one had done so.

"It'll be okay T3," I reassured the droid. "Bao-Dur will take care of you now."

It seemed fitting that I give T3 to Bao-Dur. He had sacrificed a droid he was fond of to ensure that I succeeded in my mission, so now I was entrusting him with a droid I was equally as fond of. Plus he was probably the only person I really trusted to take care of T3 properly.

"Query: Are you certain master that you do not wish for me to come along with you?" asked HK-47 having followed me to the loading ramp. "Statement: Where you are going I am certain there will be many meatbags that will require termination and I would be pleased to provide you with assistance in doing exactly that."

"No HK, I need you to stay here," I told him firmly.

He seemed a bit miffed by this, but realized that no amount of argument was going to sway me. There was simply no way I was taking a psychotic droid with me on my quest to help Revan…no mater how useful he would probably be.

I stood at the bottom of the ramp for a moment, looking at it for one last time. I thought about the people I was now leaving behind. Bao-Dur who still called me 'General' and had served faithfully by my side as I had battled first Mandalorians and then Sith. Ventris who had been sent to kill me and instead had done everything in her power to defend my life. Mical who would have been my padawan if circumstances hadn't taken me away from him and of whom I felt a great sense of pride. Mira who should have hated me, but instead had become as fond of me as I was of her. T3-M4 who had always been more than a droid to me. And even though I often felt that HK-47 was proof that Revan had always had a dark sense of humor- he had always proven himself to be a capable and loyal companion during my travels.

And of course there was Atton. I had been disappointed, though not surprised, when Atton had disappeared shortly after our talk. As much as I wished for a chance to say a proper farewell, I knew that there was a good chance that I would never get the opportunity.

With a sigh, I headed away from the Ebon Hawk in search of Admiral Onasi.

* * *

Carth was more than happy to get me anything I needed. Within hours he had secured a small one man fighter for me to use. I was certain that a part of him wished he could come with me to help the man he so clearly admired. But I also knew he was happy right where he was – helping to rebuild his home and the rest of the Republic.

"I'm leaving HK in your care," I informed Carth while we were working out the final details of my departure.

"You sure you don't want to take him along?" Carth asked, a hint of a smile on his face. "He could be useful."

I couldn't quite repress my grimace.

"If Revan didn't take him, I'm certainly not going to," I told him. Carth nodded, still clearly amused, but doing his best not to show it.

"Is there anything else you need?" he inquired.

"No Admiral, you've already done more than enough," I replied, smiling at him gratefully.

"Well in that case, I'll wish you luck and a safe journey," Carth said. He reached out and shook my hand firmly.

"Admiral Onasi?"

Carth raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to thank you." I hesitated for a moment, a sudden heaviness settling in my chest. "For everything."

Carth smiled at me and for a moment I could swear there was a hint of tenderness in his expression.

"I was only following orders," was his response. A look of shared understanding passed between us and then it was time for me to leave him behind as well.

* * *

It didn't take me long to pack what few belongings I had into the fighter. I was loading the last of my provisions into the small cargo hold when I sensed a familiar presence approaching me.

"Looks like you're all set to go," Atton observed as he reached my side.

"Yeah," I mumbled in response.

We stood there for a moment, looking everywhere but at each other.

"Just promise me you'll be careful out there," Atton finally said. He tried to sound nonchalant, but I could hear some of his concern leaking through.

I couldn't help but remember a time when Atton had said something very similar to me. On Nar Shaddaa, he had chased me down as I was on my way to meet with Visquis and warned me to be careful. It had turned out that his worry had been completely warranted – I had been captured by Mira shortly afterwards and then nearly died when I tried to enter the Jekk'Jekk Tar in search of her and Visquis. I found myself wondering if Atton's sixth sense for danger was now warning him that things would not go well for me on my newest quest.

"Careful Atton, you're starting to go soft. What happened to caring about only yourself and nobody else?" I teased. Even to me the attempt at humor sounded half-hearted.

Atton reached over and carefully brushed a strand of hair out of my face. His fingers lingered on my cheek and for a second I thought he might kiss me. But the second passed and Atton simply withdrew his hand, a sad smile on his face.

"Bye Beautiful," he whispered. Then he turned and walked away.

"Atton!" I called out after him. He stopped and turned to face me.

"I promise," I assured him. He gave me one final smile before turning from me once more and leaving.

* * *

As soon as I had broken free of Telos' atmosphere I found myself punching in hyperspace coordinates without really realizing what I was doing. Even though the coordinates were completely unfamiliar to me, I made the jump without a second thought. Sometimes it was best to simply accept the guidance of the Force without question.

I arrived in a system somewhere deep in uncharted space. I quickly plotted a course to the only habitable planet, suddenly feeling anxious.

_So close now_, I thought.

There was only one tiny settlement on the entire planet, so that's where I headed. My landing didn't seem to arouse any interest among the settlement's inhabitants, though that didn't really surprise me. I climbed out of the fighter and surveyed my surroundings. Everywhere I looked there were people – mostly humans, and blue-skinned aliens with glowing red eyes that I had never seen before, and a few other species I did recognize.

"You are to go over there," said one of the blue-skinned aliens. It pointed to a building situated approximately at the center of the settlement. "He is waiting for you," it added.

My heart was pounding as I walked to the building. I opened the door and found myself in what looked like a small office. Standing behind the desk staring out the window was a man with lightly tanned skin and messy reddish-brown hair. He turned as I entered and I felt my breath catch in my throat. I took in his features – his youthful looking face, the splash of freckles across his nose, and liquid amber eyes. He slowly crossed the room and stood in front of me - never taking his eyes from mine.

"Inyri, you're here," Revan murmured, his tone almost awed. He reached for me and, somehow managing to laugh and cry at the same time, I threw myself into his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I would claim that I've been busy, but honestly it was more writer's block than anything else. I realize that the story so far doesn't really require a T rating but it will eventually I promise.**

* * *

"You are to sleep here," Deln told me. He motioned to the door we were standing in front of.

Deln was the same blue-skinned alien who had spoken to me when I had first arrived. He was the only Basic speaker among his people here, the_ Chiss _Revan had called them, and for the time being he was my guide.

I thanked him and walked into the room. I was greeted with a fairly bare interior; there was only a bed, a desk with a terminal and a comfortable looking chair in front of it, and some shelves. The window had a rather nice view of the surrounding jungle. I noticed that my packs were already sitting on the foot of the bed, waiting for me. I shook my head and gave a wry smile.

With a sigh I sat down on the bed and, drawing my legs up beneath me, attempted to meditate.

"_Is it all true then, the stories about what you did after the war?_" _I had asked, my voice shaking ever so slightly_.

Revan and I had talked for what felt like hours. He told me a bit about his operation on the planet then he had asked me about the current state of the Republic. He watched me intently as I spoke, his expression thoughtful. I told him the message Carth had given me and he had smiled, his eyes becoming pools of liquid gold, alight with sudden warmth. I felt an ease in the tension that I had been under for so long now and for a moment it felt like it had during the war - back when I was a General and Revan was the brilliant and charismatic commander we would all turn to because we knew we could always count on him. Because he would never let us down, no matter what.

Then I had asked him that question and his eyes had once more grown dark. I hadn't really wanted to ask him, a part of me simply didn't want to know, but after everything I had been told I had needed to hear it from him. I had known of his fall, but everything that had come after – I had been completely unaware. And the stories people had told me – surely it couldn't be the truth. They couldn't have become such monsters, not Revan and Squint. Not the two men we had all looked up to so much, whom we had followed into battle, whom we had loved.

The expression on Revan's face was all the answer I needed. I watched as he started to reach for me then stopped himself; instead letting his arms fall to his sides, his hands balled into fists. I heard his sharp intake of breath as he shut his eyes tightly. It was as if my words had delivered a physical blow.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Kreia said that you chose to fall – that you had to for the greater good." My eyes searched his face, hoping for some confirmation that he hadn't become that monster for nothing.

"Kreia?" Revan asked with a small frown.

"She said she was one of your teachers. The first and the last one to train you," I told him, also frowning. Had all of that been just more of her lies?

"Ah," he said, after a slight pause, nodding his head slightly. "Yes I know her, but not by that name. But I suppose she would need a new name to call herself by."

"She won't be calling herself anything anymore." I paused. "She's dead," I informed him.

Revan simply nodded, not looking particularly upset by the news of his former Master's death.

"You aren't surprised." I stated.

"No," he replied. He gazed deep into my eyes for a moment. "It was you who killed her, wasn't it?"

I had turned from his gaze, no longer able to meet his eyes. I nodded slowly.

"Yes."

Then Revan placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. He reached up and tenderly brushed back a strand of my hair. A tingle of surprise had run through me at his touch. The Revan I had known had always been emotionally distant. He had been a great leader and there had never been any doubt he cared about the people who followed him, but other than Alek, there had been no one who could really claim to be close to him. He had changed greatly since I had last seen him and I found myself wondering what exactly had caused those changes.

"I'm sorry Inyri. I knew what she was like. I should have dealt with her myself. I left you enough messes to clean up, you shouldn't have had to deal with that one as well," he muttered darkly.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I needed her. Her help may have come at a steep price, but it was necessary none the less."

Revan had then pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly against him. I relaxed into his embrace, feeling oddly at home there…

I shook myself from my recollections, finding myself once more in the quarters Revan had given to me. I took deep breaths as I attempted to quiet the emotions swirling around inside me. For a moment I simply let my thoughts drift. I found myself wondering how things were going back in the Republic. If Mical was making any progress towards restarting the Order. If the restoration of Telos was still on track. I wondered how Canderous and his fellow Mandalorians were faring. What Atton was doing.

_Atton_.

It would have been nice to have him here with me. I needed someone to talk to, someone to help me process everything that was happening. Also, I just missed having him around.

"_You just can't get me out of your head, can you beautiful?_" His voice whispered through my mind.

I smiled. Even when he was imaginary, Atton managed to retain his infallible cockiness.

The sound of knocking startled me out of my thoughts. I reached out with the force and recognized Deln's presence on the other side of the door. I stretched then uncrossed my legs and stood up.

"Come in," I called out.

Deln entered bearing a tray of food. He placed the tray on the desk then turned to face me.

"Admiral Revan requested I bring your food to you here since you are still settling in," he told me.

"That was very kind of him. Thank you." I gave him a polite smile.

"If there is anything else you require, please let me know," Deln said.

"Of course," I replied.

His bright red eyes met mine and I shuddered gently. The Chiss were a rather attractive species – if you ignored those unsettling eyes. But there was something else about them, something I couldn't quite put a name to. It reminded me a bit of the Mandalorians only this was different, more quiet and cunning. This was a species I hoped I would never have to face on the battlefield.

Deln gave me a small smile and a quick nod before walking out the door. I watched him leave then went over to the tray. There was an assortment of fruit and some kind of meat, all of which I was sure was native to the planet. I ate quickly then began to prepare for bed. I placed my packs on the floor, not really in the mood to bother unpacking. Crawling into bed, I forced myself to relax. I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know it's been forever since I've updated this. Really sorry about the wait. Anyways, here's the next chapter...**

_

* * *

_

_I was on Dantooine, standing in the midst of the crumbling remains that had once been a jedi enclave. I felt a sudden prickling on the back of my neck and I turned to see three figures standing in the shadows. I recognized them immediately – Masters Kavar, Vrook, and Zez-Kai Ell. I eyed them warily as they slowly approached, moving to form a ring around me. _

"_Inyri."_

_I turned to look at Master Vrook. His face was impassive, but his eyes smoldered with barely restrained anger. _

"_You are a danger to us all," he continued. "You cannot be allowed to live."_

_I glanced around at the others, watching dazedly as they nodded their heads in agreement with Vrook's words._

"_Will you accept your fate peacefully, Inyri Pace?" asked Kavar solemnly._

_His face too was impassive, but his eyes when they met mine held something akin to pity. _

_Before I had a chance to respond, there was a bright flash of light, only it wasn't light at all, and the three Jedi masters fell to the ground dead. I spun around and saw Revan standing beneath an arch that had once been the courtyard's entryway. _

"_You killed them," I said in a voice devoid of all emotion._

"_Yes," Revan said, his eyes glittering._

"_And me?" I asked. "Will you kill me as well?"_

_Revan's responding smile was bitterly cold. _

"_Ah, but you are already dead," he hissed._

I awoke feeling momentarily disoriented. As I shook myself from the lingering traces of an already half-forgotten dream, I found myself straining to hear the steady thrum of a hyperspace engine only to be greeted with silence. _I've spent way too much time on ships_, I thought to myself. It seemed as though most of my life had been spent on various space vessels. In the war I had fought more space battles than planetside ones. And after my exile I had traveled constantly, going from space vessel to space vessel, never able to settle on any particular planet for long. I wasn't sure I even knew how to stay in one place anymore.

I lay in bed for a moment, simply letting the Force flow through me. The planet, which I realized I still didn't know the name of, was teaming with life. It reminded me of Dxun and its jungles, but I quickly pushed that thought aside. _No point in thinking about the war now_, I thought.

I sensed what was fast becoming a familiar presence outside my room. I wasn't surprised when I heard a knock at the door.

"Just a moment Deln," I called out.

I scrambled to find some clothes and quickly dressed myself.

"You can come in now," I said loudly, running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to make myself presentable.

Deln entered, taking in my somewhat unkempt appearance with an amused half-smile. I smiled at him wryly as he came to a stop a few steps from the doorway.

"Admiral Revan requests that you join him for breakfast," he informed me.

I sighed and stood up.

"Alright," I said, motioning for him to lead the way.

I followed him through the camp to what I could only assume were Revan's quarters. The camp's other inhabitants watched us as we walked by, their expressions neutral. I ignored them, keeping my eyes focused straight ahead.

Deln stopped in front of a door and typed in a code in the security panel. The door opened and Deln lead me into the room beyond. Revan was sitting at a table reading a datapad; the plate of food in front of him untouched. He glanced up as Deln and I entered.

"Inyri. Good morning. Please sit down," he said with a smile, putting his datapad aside. His gaze turned to Deln. "Thank you Deln, you are excused."

Deln tilted his head in acknowledgment and turned to leave. He gave me a quick nod as he walked past. I nodded my head in return and turned my attention back to Revan.

"Come, take a seat." Revan gestured to the seat across from him. There was already a plate of food laid out for me. I walked over and sat down. Revan watched me for a moment, frowning slightly.

"You look tired. Did you not sleep well?" he asked.

"I…no." I said, startled. "I'm afraid my dreams were somewhat troubling," I told him, glancing down at my food.

Revan nodded, smiling grimly. "Ah, yes. I'm all too familiar with troubling dreams myself," he said softly.

"What are your dreams about?" I found myself asking.

Revan turned to stare at the wall to his right, a far away look on his face.

"Memories," he said after a moment of contemplative silence. "Some of them are mine and some of them…aren't."

His frown deepened and he turned to look at me once more.

"Sometimes I'm not sure which is which."

"The jedi, they tried to wipe your mind clean, give you a new personality, a new identity – they tried to make you think you were someone else, didn't they?" I asked in a hushed voice.

Revan gave me a sardonic smile. "They didn't try, they succeeded. I truly believed I was someone else. I _was_ someone else." There was a haunted look in his eyes. "And then I discovered the truth."

He closed his eyes, looking pained. I wanted desperately to reach out and touch him, but something held me back. His eyes opened and met mine once more.

"I should have died that day when the jedi came for me. Instead, they took me prisoner." he said.

"And jedi don't kill their prisoners," I said, echoing words that had been told to me not so long ago.

Revan nodded. "Though, in a way I did die that day." He sighed softly. "From that day on I was never the same person I once was. I was irreversibly changed, perhaps for the better, but there's no way to know for sure."

He paused, his eyes searching my face. "And you? What are your dreams about?" he asked.

"Memories," I said, giving him a sad smile. "Only they never play out like they're supposed to."

Revan nodded and for a moment we sat in silent commiseration. I watched as he slowly took a bite of his food. _What must have it been like, being another person – to live a lie and not even know it?_ I wondered. I thought about all the years I had spent living my own sort of lie, but at least I had known it for what it was all along. I toyed with the food in front of me then forced myself to take a bite.

"When you discovered the truth," I said after swallowing, "did it feel…right? Was it a relief finally knowing who you really were?"

"No," Revan replied, his voice cold. "I hated myself. I hated Revan, hated myself for being Revan. I hated all the jedi for lying to me. Especially Bastilla."

"But you forgave her eventually didn't you?"

Revan's expression softened. "Yes," he admitted. "After all, she was the one who had saved my life. It wasn't her choice to conceal the truth from me. She was only following orders."

"And if there was anything Bastilla was good at, it was following the Council's orders," I muttered.

Revan only smiled.

"The Council," I hesitated, taking a calming breath before continuing, "they lied to me about why I was exiled. They let me believe that they had severed my connection to the Force. And when they finally told me the truth, they tried to kill me."

Revan's eyes widened, his expression a mix of shock and anger. "They tried to kill you?"

I nodded. "You knew the truth, didn't you?" I asked, staring straight into his eyes.

"About why you could no longer feel the Force?" Revan sighed. "Yes, I knew. We all knew. We felt it – all that death as Malachor fell, and that vast emptiness you left behind when you cut yourself off from the Force."

"That's why you let me leave isn't it?"

"It was one of the reasons, yes," Revan conceded.

He looked away then, shifting uncomfortably beneath my stare.

"Let's not talk about this now," he said, still not looking at me. "Finish your breakfast then I'll show you around camp."

I decided now was not the time to press the issue and returned my attention to the food in front of me. _But we will speak of this eventually_, I thought determinedly. There would be no secret keeping this time.


End file.
